keeping some faith

There is only one thing I gotta keep in mind.

You left me and is gone.

You ain’t going to look back at me.

对眼前的男人来说，我根本就不重要。我是个会求他回来的女人。是个贱女人。是个倒贴的女人。是个会为了他而疯狂追他的人。是个他不要了，却还倒追他的人。是一个他不会追回的女人。

而我就是这样的女人👩

Because I am not important, that’s why I am always sacrificed at the very last minute.

Some times I just don’t understand…

Whenever I look at Colin’s picture, it just scares me. Maybe it reminded me of those past that I wanna forget. Or maybe he really look like hypocrite.

****

I know I really shouldn’t get upset by you going club, because its already over. It happened in November and its already March.

But I really don’t like a guy who clubs, drink, gamble, flirt and etc….

You said you love you. How much is your love? How deep is your love?

You said claire did not contact you, but I saw her messages.

You said you worry about my safety, but you let me go home alone.

Did you really worry me as much as my parents did? I don’t think so.

You said, “Trust me”.

Can you tell me what you can promise and what I can trust you about? Basically there seems nothing that I can trust and there is nothing that you can promise me about.

I want a guy that don’t flirt, don’t drink, don’t club, don’t gamble, don’t drink, don’t have nightlife.

You are totally different from what I want.

Sigh.

Nothing you can promise, except you won’t go club. It means there is nothing I can trust about you.

:(:(:(:(:(

I had given up on you. This love. 

Its just that I don’t know how to face you anymore. How to react to all these things. I don’t understand how we both pretend that nothing happens when it just hurts so much in there.

I didn’t wanted to cry today. Yet i cried twice - thrice today at work. Faun is gonna say that I am weak again….

I know why you said that it doesn’t matter you went club once or twice in nov 2011 but what matter most is that you didnt go now. Look, you only didn’t go for December, January and February, which is only 3 months, is that really a lot?

You just can’t forget about clubbing, can’t forget about claire, can’t forget about flirting those girls. All you forgotten is me.

Dying? Seriously? 

I might be the one instead of you.

You got everything you need. Money, friends, family, ipad and whatever you don’t need.

Why did you lie?

Why did you lie?

Why did you lie?

I really really really really hate people who lies.

Once and again, its the third or forth time. I really feel very useless, worthless to you.

I don’t get it.

Why do you always think that yor friends are always the good ones and I’m always the one ruining your relationships with them?

Why is it that when it’s Claire matter you dont believe me! And this matter you don’t believe me again!

为你折了两颗心

Compromising will do it. I rather have kailing’s boyfriend.